broadcast outcast

i am so terrible about blogging anymore.

how to sum up a month?

i helped my two closest friends in chicago move to boston–sort of. mostly, i was just the muscle to move boxes and personal effects. that wasn’t the most fun time.

in that same period, i also moved into a new apartment myself–albeit in the same city. this place is much more hospitable than my last apartment, given its location and the new roommates. i won’t divulge too many details, for privacy reasons.

i shot video a few more times for a production studio. weather was not my friend. all were man-on-the-street videos–the worst kinds of interviews to shoot.

the first time out, i wasn’t familiar with the gear setup or the format of the interviews. call that a mulligan. the second time, it was 45 degrees and raining. that meant it was difficult to get good audio–but more importantly, difficult to get anyone to talk with me.

the third time out? it was 20 degrees and gusting wind. i had to ask 75 people to stop and talk with me before i’d get one to bite. that was simply demoralizing, and terribly cold. just the worst.

so the video wasn’t up to their standards. do i want to get better? sure. there’s always something to learn. but i’m not particularly interested in feeding people lines (i’d have to), conducting MOS interviews in general, or having to pick out people who look rich and attractive. it sort of goes against the moral compass, i suppose.

still, i’ve done other PA work for them. it’s mostly being a gopher and has minimal responsibilities, but it beats not working at all. i worked a webcast on monday where a ceo of a large company spoke to its employees on their internal network. today, i drove a bunch of equipment around and paid for things. not glamorous, or particularly fun (i detest driving these days), but again, better than nothing.

i also spent a tremendous amount of time recently applying for the mccloy fellowship. through the american council on germany, the fellowship provides $200/day stipend and full airfare to conduct three weeks of reporting in germany. i reworked my proposal twice and even had a former professor edit it. so it should be good. it wasn’t the best writing i’ve ever done, but it was well-researched and thorough. that should give me at least a fighting chance.

i need to finish the re-edits for that about.com video. then i get paid $250. but more imporantly–i’ll get to shoot more videos. that i’ve procrastinated as long as i have is embarrassing, really.

so that’s a month. not a lot of action. it rained for practically all of april here in chicago. that was a bummer. but, like many things in this world, i have no control over the weather.

c’est la vie.

it pours.

my closest friends from college came in town on thursday night. i spent friday and saturday squiring them about town. it was a challenge, in that they didn’t want to do the typical touristy stuff. they didn’t want to go to the willis tower, and didn’t want to eat deep dish or hot dogs.

i love challenge. we ate vietnamese food on friday. we had dim sum on saturday. and we had middle-eastern food on saturday night. the food aspect was great. i took my friends to a bar around the corner from my current abode, wellington’s, on friday night. it was a central location for all parties involved to meet. my friend david met up with fellow peace corps alums. his girlfriend met up with her cousin. and my friend kyle came around. it was a great success.

saturday night, we hung out in wicker park. it was bittersweet to send them off. but more good news came as they left.

friday morning, i received a phone call from one of the slews of jobs i’d applied to. something from craigslist. regardless, they wanted to send me out on a test turn. i said okay. i had yet to shoot, given that i had friends in town and it rained on sunday. i was to interview eight people per the specs they laid out, in a specific style and format. in addition, as our conversation progressed, they said they thought my editing was pretty tight, after seeing my videos. score. they had produced a feature-length film last year. i’d mentioned it. my contact said he thought the trailed sucked, so they could send me the footage and i could re-edit the trailer–and they’d pay me for it.

okay, okay. so i can get paid to shoot video, and get paid to edit other footage for someone? yes, please.

so today, i’m lying in bed, watching ‘volver’, which is overdue by two days and has already cost me an extra $4.00. i’m stupid.

but i get a phone call, half way through, asking if i’m available to shoot something today. i say i might be. i’d like to look at the specs.

i run through it, see that it’s doable. it’s for a consumer research firm. just conducting a few interviews on affluent persons’ spending habits. in fact, they had done most interviews already, but realized they needed two more and he guy who had been shooting couldn’t finish it.

i say okay. we agree that i’ll bring a shotgun mic, and they’ll provide the camera and tripod.

cue me driving down to a camera store in the west loop in search of a shotgun mic and a 3.5 mm to xlr jack converter; the mic is there, but the converter is not. i’m stressing, figuring out how i’m gonna swing this. do i buy a microphone i can’t use on my camera? do i call the guy and say i don’t have a mic?

he calls, says he has all the stuff i need. just meet him.

i do.

i dominate the job. do three interviews, asking the questions the company provides. two are great, one is passable. knock that job out.

we agree that i’m not only skipping the tryout phase, but getting paid for this work. we’ll talk later in the week.

so yeah. i finally got a paying gig. it’s not a 9-5, but i’m not a 9-5 kinda guy.

even if it’s just shooting consumer research stuff, it feels good to be behind the sticks again. i love interviewing people and shooting video. i love being out there and working. it brings out the best in me–the conversationalist, the artistic framing–everything. i feed off of that energy.

after finishing up, i drove a good friend from medill to the airport. he was flying to pakistan. a work/self-discovery trip. he’ll be gone 9 weeks. i drove the rest of the way home blasting the rolling stones.

today, in its scramble-to-finish way, was a mess of moving parts. but it was beautiful.

today was a good day.

with a camera, anyway. today i shot most of the video i needed for the assignment i got for about.com

yesterday, i had to get new batteries for my lav mic to perform said duties. the thing takes these ridiculous watch batteries that i had to go to best buy to find. anyway, while there, i shot the shit with the guy working the camera section.

i have a real yearning to trade my t2i in for a 60d. the differences aren’t vast between the two cameras, but the 60d has an articulating screen, which makes shooting video–especially shooting one’s self on-camera–many times easier. the price difference is maybe $200.

other snag: the t3i just came out. i should probably sell while i can with the t2i. the newer model came out about a month ago. not sure if i want to keep the lenses i have, a 18-55mm and a 55-250mm, or sell the whole kit and get the 18-135 that comes with the 60d. this is a lot of nerdery, but i am pretty sold on trading in my camera. the t3i has the articulating screen, but i feel like the button setup–and the fact that you can control the gain–makes the 60d a superior choice.

just sayin’.

today’s irony: i’d reached out to a friend of a friend who works at playboy about potential openings they may have. there’s a relative hiring freeze, due to hef’s repurchasing of shares.

long story short, she has been quite helpful. in fact, today she forwarded me the following email, and asked if i’d be interested:

Hi Xxxx! Wondering if you have any former students who are freelancing in Chicago and do entertainment type reporting. I’ve been freelancing for an YYY site called ZZZ as a contributing editor (in addition to my 9-5 at AAAAA Press), and at my suggestion they brought on Bbbbb as the lead editor, but she recently moved to New York – where she’s still handling the position from afar. Soon we’ll need someone based here again, it’s quite steady, about 5 posts a day on music, culture, going out – a cross between Ccccc and Ddddd. Anyone come to mind? I’m not hiring, of course, but I would pass on the name to my editor at YYY in NYC, who hired me.

i told her that i was definitely interested…but that i’d already tested for the job.

doesn’t make me happy knowing that they likely already had a few good candidates apply for the position, and they weren’t satisfied. perhaps that’s being pessimistic–but at this point, realism has drifted toward the half-empty side.

let’s hope that doesn’t last for long.

long story, short, a close friend of mine made it clear that i was being a mope.

and i was.

it’s rather shameful to overlook the very many positive things in my life. i have a loving family, a number of great friends, and despite the dwindling funds in my bank account, i am not destitute.

instead of continuing down this self-pitying path, saturday became one of those days needed to turn me back on the righteous path.

to that end, i began shooting a video for about.com. i applied for three more jobs. i doubt i’ll hear from any of them–also still waiting on word back from the feast, where i submitted a trail-run test last weekend.

if i don’t hear back from them in the affirmative, then off to the temp agency it is. i need work. i need to earn a living.

video work and getting paid to report will have to take a backseat, i suppose, for now. i’m not excited about that.

but as i said, if nothing shakes out in the next few months, there is a backup plan in place. even better, i saw yesterday that about.com has a slew of videos it needs made about spain. i could totally rock those, given my new talents and equipment (that’s what she said).

i’ve also decided to do something with the ridiculous experience that was my job last summer. i think i’ll self-publish on amazon.com; we’ll see how it turns out.

watched three movies in the last few days: bad lieutenant: port of call – new orleans; room in rome; and zombieland. room in rome was a bit of a let down–i love julio medem’s other films, but this one, story-wise, fell flat. the cinematography was great. but the dialogue felt forced–perhaps exacerbated by the use of four languages between three characters. even without the language, i still felt it was the weakest writing of medem’s career. his other films are among my favorites, but room in rome felt like he had a concept and just got too muddled in what that concept meant.

zombieland, despite what my friend leor says, was great. for what it is, it is terrific. good action, lots of humor. a fantastic cameo and overall great dialogue. it won’t win any awards, but it is highly entertaining.

and bad lieutenant should really have gotten more play. nic cage doesn’t suck in this movie. it’s highly entertaining as well. and seeing post-katrina new orleans is also great.

enough of this nonsense. off to bed.

today was semi-successful. when you’re unemployed, everything is relative.

for me, today, especially.

on the agenda was printing, copying and mailing all components of my backup plan: a return to the teaching program in spain.

reason being, if i can’t find a suitable job within the next few months–anything i consider to be reasonable and to put me on the path i want to be on professionally–i’m throwing caution into the wind (sort of) and heading back to the iberian peninsula. i figure from the money i’d get from selling my car, i’d be able to handle a year’s worth of loan repayment. and teaching isn’t time-intensive. it would afford me the time to intern at a.p. or efe–something like that. and i could pursue freelance projects.

it’s a pseudo-plan. and now it’s in place, given that my application is in and the documents have been mailed.

so.

that was the morning. the afternoon was supposed to include an interview for an unnamed job at an unnamed outlet–no jinxing here–that would allow me to write some and to do a few videos per week. it’s not my ideal subject material, but really, what is?

it’s funny, too, that this outlet focuses on leisure things and that i see it as a job, more than a dream job. many people would kill for this line of work. in fact, a number i attended graduate school with would love nothing more than to be pursued  for such a job.

i’m a mercenary, so i’ll do it. and my clips from european vibe lend themselves to this sort of work.

so.

unfortunately, my interview was postponed until tomorrow. meh.

we’re still on.

i know a few friends of mine have also applied for the position; it’s weird to know that you’re competing with people you like for a livelihood. this is the world i’ve chosen to work in.

still, i believe myself well-qualified. i write as well as anyone and my videos would bring up the iq of the site. so i have a lot to offer.

at 2:30, i had a meeting for my loan repayment. that’s always fun. i currently owe approximately $80,000 in student loans. this will likely take me 15 years, at least, to pay off. i am less than enthused. but the woman i met with was not only helpful and thorough in her explanation–but we had a terrific conversation about things unrelated to debt. she talked about her kids and family in an un-forced way and i talked about my family in a similar manner. it was great. really. i rarely get so into a conversation with strangers, but she was so pleasant about everything, i couldn’t help it. she said a lot of things change when children come into play, and that she had no debt until she got married, and how she accrued debt by shopping on michigan avenue with her husband telling her, “buy what you want.”

the anecdote was interesting. but as we concluded our meeting and she told me about the income based repayment plan, i joked that i’d likely be paying off loans for the rest of my life. her response was, “you seem ambitious. i bet you’ll be on television and have these loans paid off sooner than you think.”

to have a total stranger say this more than made my day. even with the interview cancelled, it was sunny and 45 degrees in chicago. and this compliment made me feel that indeed, my ambition often shines, even in a situation when it isn’t requisite.

ambitious, yes. successful–to be determined.

but hope springs eternal.

it’s right here.

http://vimeo.com/ryancraggs

space jam is currently trending on twitter.

striking while the iron is hot: this site, lest anyone forget, remains active.

http://www2.warnerbros.com/spacejam/movie/jam.htm

anybody who still employs blogger or a blogger template as the skeleton of a blog likely does not understand the significance of social media.

just sayin’.

nobody actually reads anything i put here.  but even so, it’s probably worth me updating the site to make it aesthetically pleasing–and more importantly, useful.

i am not a brand–i’m a person.  but having a portfolio site could probably help my chances of landing a decent job.

and i also just need to get back in the habit of writing.

It’s 5 a.m. on a Friday and I can’t sleep. The last 48 hours have been strange. The oddities and quirks of this time have been capped off by the most bizarre nightmare of my life.

This nightmare was vivid: First nightmare I’ve ever had involving zombies. I was in a grassy field with a dirt road. There was one tree, close to the road, that looked like an oak. Otherwise, there was a house in the distance. But the crux of the dream consisted of me backpedaling while I had normal-human looking zombies chasing me. My constant fear was that they would surround me; they never did. But they relentlessly approached me from the front and partially from the side, walking at a brisk pace. During the entire pursuit, several of the zombies were making small talk with me, as if they weren’t trying to kill me. Principal among them were Nick Cassavetes and Kris Kristofferson. Any an explanation as to how they got into my dream would be welcomed.

But the dream ended with me falling down, scooting backwards. As I did, a claw-like spike came out of the ground. It narrowly missed. I continued scooting, seeing another vaguely familiar woman to my side, the house over my left shoulder, the tree behind me, until they all suddenly stopped. They fled toward the house and underground. I climbed the tree as the sun rose.

I’m a fairly vivid dreamer, but this was beyond anything in recent memory. I buy into Freudian dream theory and the idea of daily residuals, but again, no idea how these weirdos got into my dream. Nonetheless, the internet provides this interpretation:

To dream that you are attacked by zombies, indicates that you are feeling overwhelmed by forces beyond your control. You are under tremendous stress in your waking life. Alternatively, the dream represents your fears of being helpless and overpowered.

Likely more truth to this interpretation than I’d care to admit.

Perhaps getting home at 10 p.m., eating dinner, falling asleep on the couch by 11, and crawling into bed at 12:15 fueled the nightmare.  It’s certainly not how I like to live my life; it’s not healthy.  But the migraine I’d staved off did more dictating yesterday than anything.

The troubles began weeks ago, I suppose.  No need to rehash all that’s led up to our non-filming thus far.  But this week’s story began with Caitlin and Whitney asking me if I could meet with Brent on Tuesday morning.  I think we work pretty well as a group, but no one clued me in on why we were meeting with Brent, other than to tell him things in-person that we’d already told him via e-mail and telephone.  Whitney said she’d had a “rough weekend,” and she’d originally wanted to meet with Brent alone for “peace of mind.” Caitlin thought we should meet to “keep Brent in the loop.”

I didn’t agree with meeting, but I had to agree to the meeting.  I didn’t like the idea of going to Evanston at noon and wasting time I could be doing other things.  Really, it would accomplish nothing, so far as I could see.  I was miffed by the fact that neither of my group members had the persistence to call people who were dragging their feet.  Sure, I’d emailed Calvin Davis and Whitney had called Thomas Smith, but she did that on Friday.  I was out of town over the weekend, but I saw no need to tell Brent we were lagging, in person.  He already knew.

Tuesday, I was resigned to meeting, despite not being certain as to why we were meeting.  I didn’t like that no one gave a good reason.  Rather than going to the meeting irritated,  I called CPS Legal.  I wasn’t hanging up until I had Calvin Davis’ phone number.  It took about three connections, but they gave me the number I needed, as well as another woman in charge of such legal matters.

Davis heard me out.  He said so long as it was for a school project, it was okay, and that if he gave the okay, we didn’t have to deal with CPS Legal.  That was a refreshing thing to hear.

I bailed on the meeting.  It bugged me that no one else had gotten in anybody’s face over not answer our questions.  Under duress, it got lumped on me, I felt.  We all bring something to the group.  But I don’t think my group would have pressed on through adversity without me leading the charge.  It sounds hubristic, and likely is, but anyone who knows me knows that’s par for the course.  It isn’t always a great trait, but I don’t let go of things I feel matter.  I spent three weeks after a story in second quarter.  I spent a month on another.  But they turned out to be my best stories.

Bottom line: I don’t quit, for better or worse.  I kind of felt like that’s what this class is about, but not everyone has had luck getting meaty stories.  The one focused on strippers felt ambitious, but in a good way.  I can’t speak for what difficulties they faced, but I don’t think I would have gone in that direction.  It didn’t feel as compelling as the stripper idea; but perhaps the stripper things was simply untenable.

That’s a different argument.  We simply weren’t quitting with Simeon until we got kicked out or officially told no.

We drafted a letter to Davis Tuesday night.  I sent it later that evening.  I called him on Wednesday morning, got a hold of him on the fourth try, and after glancing at the document, he said it was okay, but that he’d reply via email.  He said he’d need a few minutes to do so.  I said no problem.

Of course he never replied.

I suggested to our group that we still go to Simeon’s practice on Wednesday.  I’d sent out feelers to a player’s father the night before to see if we could talk to him for our verite assignment.  He misinterpreted my e-mail and thought I meant Thursday, before Simeon’s game.  I sent a follow-up email explaining things, and he said he might be available after 7 p.m.

We had two things to try.

Brent probably tired of talking to me over the phone–I figured his guidance would help us make fewer mistakes.  That’s the point of having an instructor, anyway.  We went down to Simeon and found out soon thereafter that the family we were after lived in Richton, Ill., a solid 35 minutes southwest of Simeon.

After a great deal of postulating, showing Coach Dante emails and forwarding said emails on my phone to both the coach and athletic director, we were taken to the principal’s office.

***

A week later, nearly, things are in a much better place.  We’re shooting at the game tonight.  I’m riding the bus with the team to the stadium.  There are plenty of holes to fill in on this story, and I want them for posterity.  But things are in a much better place, and we know what we want to shoot for the doc.  We’re finally on our way.

Thank God.